Dream deferred? A reality…check please


Have you ever dreamed? Believe it or not, some people can say they haven’t. Dreams seem to be so integral to one’s development, yet are still not fully understood. Your brain and it’s ability to extract vivid pieces of memory, giving your sleep-self a live action film is amazing. When it comes to self-fulfillment: It’s beautiful when people can dream and turn it into reality. Whatever was vague and cloudy in their head now crystallized, formed from a thought or concept to become tangible. It can be disheartening for many who never get the chance to carry out their dream or for some the ability to come up short can be painful. But to truly make an earnest attempt, the notion that you’ve tried to me, holds a greater resonance than those who never tried at all.

Whatever the circumstance sometimes we are our worst enemy. Falling victim to temptation, ingesting bad advice or allowing fear and doubt to cast a shade on one of the most uncertain beliefs we carry to our grave. Our only real belief actually: hope. When fear and doubt squeezes the idea/ feeling of hope dry, we close up like a shell not wanting to be pried open. I wish upon no one fear and doubt, well there are many things that I would not wish upon anyone, but fear and doubt are high on that list. It is natural for the world to question you, the reason being: your unproven, I have no knowledge of what you’re capable of and how you can help me. Truthfully it’s seems that doubting people became the norm more so than believing positively in others. Besides we all know there are some clowns out there, that no amount of positive energy will assist them in stopping their buffoonery.

Anyway, a man informs me that “in the ten minutes of talking to me he is more intrigued by me and my story.” And how I’m able to pick up on the work he is involved in, faster than people he has held meetings with explaining his job and projections as a company. It felt great to hear but again it hasn’t been until creating this verbal workspace where I have felt good about what I’m doing rather than questioning myself and what have I been accomplishing (or not) this whole time. Wasting days away rather than grinding on expressing my writing and thoughts and vision etc. the answer: doubt and more so confusion. Misdirection, among other natural life things which is still a battle but it’s life, no complaints just grind to the best of your ability towards positive results, it could always be worst. Moving on, the gentleman says “so what’s the catch?” “what else are you doing?” I tell him about the website. He says he liked it and it’s nice but then asked “how does it make you money?”  I told him, I don’t know yet. I haven’t figured that out. He responded, “If it’s not making you money then it’s wasting your time.” Done. T_T(these are tears btw)

Now this man was a very well off individual. During my time of meeting people: thousandaires, millionaires, a billionaire or two, there has been one constant that connects them all. They don’t tell you how to get the money, they don’t let the secrets out. If you happen to get in that exclusive air of theirs, they welcome you, some more warming than others but you have to make it there. I guess more life lessons, but no one says you know what I like you kid, let me put you under my wing. Nope, they leave you be. Since I’ve had a relatively decent head on my shoulders for a majority of my life, I’ve been told either I’m wise beyond my years. I’m young and I have time, or I’ll get there. Well, time has ticked, and I can’t say I’m really there yet. (Do we ever know when we’re there?) I don’t know where “there” is, in fact, I would love a GPS so that I can find the best not the fastest but the best route to “there.” Wherever there is I want to go.

What am I saying…

I’m rambling, the point is the man said “what are you passionate about?” “What do you want to do?” I told him I want to create I want to write just one book. I have visions of my own Star Wars universe coming to life and I’ve been working on this thing for quite some time trying to perfect it. Soon I will work on getting it out there, I want the people to hopefully appreciate what I’ve been attempting to craft(I’m smiling as I type this when I actually think of how skilled people are at consistently shutting down my moment in the spotlight). He responded: “you know my brother likes to write, and he’s written tons of books, and I’ve read some, and there pretty good, but it’s such a tough field, and he’s so passionate about it. He went to law school, he graduated with honors. He’s up to his eyes in so much debt, and he keeps writing, and I feel so bad for him.” “What I’m  saying to you is sometimes you have to find out what you’re really good at and do that so that your income gets flowing. And as you knock off all the things on your checklist you come back to what you’re passionate about and do it later because passion sometimes doesn’t pay the bills.” In my mind, I’m thinking(You just asked me what am I passionate about millionaire guy, now I tell you and you say pick another passion). Well, I don’t really know what to say to that other than thanks.

Although feeling again doubtful and now somewhat angry at my direction I  understood what he was saying loud and clear, but it was frustrating because I started questioning myself asking what is my website’s purpose? Of course, I need money we all need it. Fictitious green paper with no real value other than the value that we put on it. Since we’re all on an honor system to say yes, this green piece of paper holds value…anyway, my website maybe one day will make money, but I didn’t create it for that. The dream and vision for my website was to showcase my thinking and writing skills or lack thereof. The ability to tell a story, a place to show some of my amateur photography, and just keep expanding where I can take these steps into the unknown of a blog/website.

The finances were never on my mind, and for him, he said: “that’s the problem, you always have to think money, why else do it.” Well with that being said, here we are in 2016 where money seems to outweigh anything you can think of even your dreams…unless it’s to make more money. So I suppose if we all think about money all the time and that is the only thing of substance, and it’s  the only dream worth living and fighting for then the real question is, are we all asleep?

(These rambles are getting longer…deeper sleep maybe.)

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